Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Struggling away at my 23 in-progress posts, I realized that I had real news:

I'm ALONE. COMPLETELY alone. All three children are on a 5-day vacation with their grandparents 630 kilometers away from here!!

I can wake up whenever I want (which, unfortunately, is still 6:30am; old habits die hard), take a shower for as long as I want (which can be VERRRY long, hours even), wander aimlessly around town at 12 noon, have wine with lunch - and be able to enjoy it, walk out of the apartment to: get something from the cellar, buy wine next door (it's a wine shop, no worries), or just sit on the stairs if want, just like that.

Right. I don't know what to do with my time.

But that doesn't matter. It's MINE. For 3 years, 9 months and 29 days I haven't had time that belonged solely to me. And the last, let's say, 2 years and 2 months (counting the pregnancy in this one) have been fucking demanding on the time that used to be mine.

Don't get me wrong. I love the shit out of those kids. Pretty much every 1.7 minutes I think about one or all of them (happily these thoughts aren't bound to juice retrieval, diaper changing, yelling or similar). We skyped yesterday and it was great to see them. Aidyn launched himself at the computer (he really loves me). Apparently the grandparents had all three of them sitting picturesquely in front of the camera while their camera froze. Bummer. But it was fun and there were no tears here or there.

Let's face it, we all love each other and we're all enjoying our separate vacations. They get cookies every afternoon and Tractor Tom every evening and I get freedom. Oh, right, and don't forget the quality time with spouse. We went to a crêperie last night at the time we're usually tiptoeing down the hallway to keep the sleepers sleeping. And the night before we went to rent a movie from the 24-hour place, which we haven't done since...well, for almost 4 years. We can turn up the volume! Ignore the cat bouncing onto the door to get out in the middle of the night! Well, no, I can't. I am still getting up to threaten him with bodily harm and, finally, feed him.

Oh well. Life isn't perfect. You can't always get what you want, but sometimes, you get what you need. Like Mick sang.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Angels and demons

Every time I post a picture of my children sleeping, everyone says something about how these are the moments that make us love our children. I understand this sentiment completely. While awake, these little devils can make our lives a nightmare: screaming, fighting, refusing to eat, taking everything out of the kitchen drawer, strewing dirt all over the balcony, hanging on us when we just want a brief moment alone, the list goes on and on. When they sleep, they do none of  these things. They are magnificent in their silence and stillness.

But I think my favorite times with my children are when they are awake. When Mia and Aidyn are playing hide and seek with each other; when Mia walks into the room in her overalls and I realize she looks just like her cousin Asia when she was little - and like me; when Aidyn laughs out loud from being kissed on the neck; when Chloé says, doing her determined strut next to the stroller, "I can walk, Mammée (this is how she says it), reeeaaallly far. I can." And she does. When any of them looks at me and smiles. It's cliché, but true. When they're lying naked on the changing table and I can lean onto them and kiss their tiny lips and round cheeks and give them raspberries on the belly and yell "Naked baby! Naked baby!" and watch them squirm and hear them squeal.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

My life in spring.

Taking a break on the middle floor of the playground tree house.

Windows to my soul.

So beautiful, even in a bike helmet.

Up close with the Mia monster and her pink hat.

My Tiny Man.

There are tulips just growing on the side of the path. Just like that.

A chartreuse tree in front of an azure sky. Maybe this is my favorite season. At least on days like this.
Magnolia. Do these even exist in Colorado?
Just one magnolia bloom. They fascinate me. So big, so tough, so fuchsia.